empty

I just can't stop. I feel like so much of myself has gone. So much of me was tied up in him. Why? Because I love him. Truely, absoultely, wonderfully, gently, fearfully and simply love him. And I'm breaking up and fragmenting inside. I know I shouldn't still feel like this. I should be getting over him. I should be ok. I wish he would just leave my head. The way I feel now is not new. People are getting less and less sympathetic towards me with everyday that passes. But I think about him so much and I feel like I should stop talking, because I want to talk about him. I want to think about him all the time but it hurts so badly. Everything reminds me of him. And all I want to do is call him up and hear his voice. I want him to whisper that he loves me. I want to smile like I used to whenever I think about him, rather than being so sad.

What happens to feelings? When he loved me, my feelings went somewhere. Where do they go now? They feel like they are just coming back to me, as if being "returned to sender" and there's nothing quite like recieving your own feelings back when they are meant for someone else.

Loving him was so easy. It was telling him that was the hard part.

I shouldn't still be crying myself to sleep. But I've cried myself to sleep every night for the 163 nights it has been since he got on that plane. And he never knew. People tell me I'll feel better with time. With every day that passes I just feel worse. If this is how it has to be, I just want to stop feeling.

I just hope is that he is happy, wherever he is right now.