fuzzy bubbles

I just really hope this inspiration continues. Guitar, Spanish, gym, rock climbing - where will these new things end? So often I enjoy the idea that I could do these things, but somewhere along the line, I seem to forget about them. It's really frustrating and I wish I had more staying power. Having said that, things have changed since Matthew dumped me. I guess my routines were so often built around him. The first thing I have really had any staying power in recently is a daily bible study and "God time". It feels quite natural now having been doing in the 40 days since he broke up with me. It's almost as if it has replaced all those late night phone calls and endless coordination between us. Keeping busy with lots of things in order to try to fill this void within me.
I really feel like I am walking around in a fuzzy bubble at the moment. Everything seems so out of focus, as if I am seeing everything through a glass of water. All sound seems to be slowed down and as if it is coming through a voice distorter. Nothing feels real, solid or dependable - the only times I really feel alive is when I am in prayer or crying. I have pretty much cried solidly for the last 6 weeks. I'm broken in half and really struggling.
I am just hoping that it will all sort itself out. I still think about him all the time. I still love him.
You are good, you are good, and your love endures. Lord, I just pray that your glory shines around and that I will fall facedown.
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