the boy with the different coloured eyes
He likes to think that he's a Nice Guy. That's his whole personality. He likes to think he never, ever hurts people - he cares about people. He wants everything. He dislikes responsibility - whether it is commitment or for the mess he makes. He's insensitive to the point where he willingly hurts people because he wants to be "honest". Except he doesn't do honestly when it's needed. He's happy to just wait around and use someone until something better comes along. He likes being loved and having the power to use that love to get what he wants. He can't apologise, but just makes self derogatory remarks. He doesn't really know what an apology is.
He finds it difficult to work through tough times, he prefers to give up. He doesn't like compromise - he tries to hold onto power so that he never has to compromise. Part of the reason he is scared of commitment - in a relationship or a friendship - is because he'd have to give up this power and make himself vunrable.
He gets caught up in his own greatness - his pride creeps in to the point where he can't hear anyone else and he is so convinced he is right. He puts himself above others, thinking they are incapable of feeling and knowing that which he does.
He feels guilty but has no understanding why this might be the case. He wants the people he hurts to accept him wholeheartedly again because he can then believe he is still Nice Guy. He has no concept of how to right a situation. He is caught in the middle of a conflict between the person he thinks he is and the way he acts.
He lies. He lies to the people around him, to himself and to God. He likes to think he has it all sorted but he doesn't - but can't admit that. He gets caught up in preaching that he forgets that he needs to listen to himself.
He treats people as if they are worthless. It's about how he feels, right? It's all about him. He thinks he can get what he wants by always having a backup plan, a way out. Keep people hanging on just enough, keep them there, and then if everything falls through, there's always the backup plan, the way out. He never has to be alone this way. He never has to meet himself and work out if he is meeting Nice Guy.
He's a confused little boy with no sense of the inherent worth of other people.
I used to think I knew him. I used to think I knew Nice Guy. But the realisation that you knew someone else all that time, who is actually different to the person in front of you - when it hits you think the fabic of the world rips down the seam.
He finds it difficult to work through tough times, he prefers to give up. He doesn't like compromise - he tries to hold onto power so that he never has to compromise. Part of the reason he is scared of commitment - in a relationship or a friendship - is because he'd have to give up this power and make himself vunrable.
He gets caught up in his own greatness - his pride creeps in to the point where he can't hear anyone else and he is so convinced he is right. He puts himself above others, thinking they are incapable of feeling and knowing that which he does.
He feels guilty but has no understanding why this might be the case. He wants the people he hurts to accept him wholeheartedly again because he can then believe he is still Nice Guy. He has no concept of how to right a situation. He is caught in the middle of a conflict between the person he thinks he is and the way he acts.
He lies. He lies to the people around him, to himself and to God. He likes to think he has it all sorted but he doesn't - but can't admit that. He gets caught up in preaching that he forgets that he needs to listen to himself.
He treats people as if they are worthless. It's about how he feels, right? It's all about him. He thinks he can get what he wants by always having a backup plan, a way out. Keep people hanging on just enough, keep them there, and then if everything falls through, there's always the backup plan, the way out. He never has to be alone this way. He never has to meet himself and work out if he is meeting Nice Guy.
He's a confused little boy with no sense of the inherent worth of other people.
I used to think I knew him. I used to think I knew Nice Guy. But the realisation that you knew someone else all that time, who is actually different to the person in front of you - when it hits you think the fabic of the world rips down the seam.
posted by Ro at 8:11 AM
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