yesterday, today and forever

I don't think I've felt this drained in a long time. I can't stop thinking about it all. I sit in my lectures in a daze just with him in my head. Right now, I'd give anything to not feel like this, to not love him like I do. I'd feel so much better if I could just feel like it was wrong. I'd still be upset and sad, but I'd know that it was meant to end then. As it is, I'm so very convinced that it was just right. It was right and I can't seem to let go of that. I was honestly convinced that we would spend the rest of our lives together. I think he thought that way too. And I worry about him. I wonder if he's ok. And I wonder if he ever thinks about me.

It's funny, the way people behave towards me at the moment. There are so many people who think that the remedy that I need right now is to go out to some bar and pick up a random guy for some meaningless sex. Obviously, these are people who don't know me that well. I can't think of anything that is going to help me less. Then there are the very well-meaning people who give those old cliches like "don't worry, plenty more fish in the sea" and "you need someone who deserves you". I don't have the heart to tell them that these sentiments are about as helpful as meaningless sex....

Still, there has been some amazing things that has come out of the last few weeks. God has been good, so good, that I just have to weep. One of my first realisations this Christmas was that one thing can be sure, God's not going to dump me for some girl from central Illinois. Yesterday, today and forever. It's a pretty amazing promise.