raindrops and roses and whiskers on kittens

Last night I finally brought myself to watch a beautiful film. I was hesitating over it because it reminded me of the boy so very much. We watched Dancer in the Dark together, and I used to sob uncontrollably in the safety of the embrace of his arms. I remembered why I loved this movie so very much. What I was surprised at was the lack of any emotion I had. For the first time I sat completely dry-eyed through the movie - me being the girl who would weep when Dumbo's mother died and who hid behind the sofa when the Nazis marched through the town in Sound of Music. I just felt so very numb.

Tonight we watched My Girl (hey, let's not get snotty about films, ok?) and I bawled all the way through. Not because of the film itself, but because I missed the boy very much.... I wonder if he ever even thinks about me anymore, or has he forgotten? I always thought that he loved me as much as I loved him. Anyway, I had to cry silently and quietly because I didn't want my housemates to see me. Ugh.

Sometimes I think I am ok. Other times I wonder.