floating above

My soul cries out in pain. I am lost and confused and wandering in a really dark place. and I breathe in and remember that I am alive, and that this really is it. And then I get frustrated with myself as I realise what a mess I am making.

I find it impossible to see a future. I don't understand how I can make this work. I wonder what will happen to me. It sounds self-pitying, but I don't mean it like that. I just distractedly wonder what will happen to this tired little girl in the rain as I float above her, watching her like I am her mother. I try to think about what I want for this little girl and how her life will turn out, but this is where the soccer mom thing ends. I can't say I see her becoming a doctor and making lots of money. I just don't know what will happen to her. And I wonder what will happen. And I am concerned because I want her to be ok. And happy. And then I am remember that I am talking about me. That's me down there. But I struggle to believe myself.